Saturday, May 10, 2008

In memory and honor of Patricia, my mom

In May 1987, just a few days after Mother's Day, my sister, Pam, my brother, Mike, and I said good-bye for good to our mother, Patricia. It was the end of a 14-year valiant battle with cancer.

(Please check out comment from my first wife about her former mother-in-law)

I know I speak for my siblings when I say that hardly a day goes by without some conscious thought of her. Her profound and positive effect on my life cannot be overestimated. I miss her more than I can say.

A few years ago, I wrote a true story about a memorable day I spent with my mother and uncle aboard the U.S.S. Hoel, DDG-13, in 1967 while I was in the Navy.

Of all the columns I wrote, and all the items in that column that I published, none was the subject of more discussion and long-term recollection of readers than that one.

So in honor of Mother's Day here it is again:

One of the nice things the Navy did during my short service was annually ships would arrange for a "Dependent's Cruise." It was a day where family could join a sailor aboard a ship and steam out to sea for a nice leisurely day of camaraderie and fun. In 1967, we were allowed to invite two people along.

I chose my mother and my uncle, who lived in La Jolla, just a stone's throw from the Naval Base in San Diego. The day was beautiful and we pulled out of San Diego Harbor about 11 a.m. for an afternoon cruise around the islands off the coast of California.

At the time I was a Quartermaster, which meant my duty assignment was the Bridge. My exact assignment was as Helmsman during critical situations. Those situations could be underway replenishment (taking on oil and supplies from a ship sailing just a few dozen feet from our ship) during battle conditions in Vietnam and in and out of port.

My mother and uncle were on the main deck during our departure, but after the daylong cruise they joined me on the crowded Bridge for the trip back into San Diego Harbor.

At some point before heading into the harbor we took our assigned duty stations and I was behind the wheel heading back into port. As always, especially on a nice day like this one was, the harbor was choked with pleasure craft, small sailing boats and motor craft.

My view was limited to the porthole directly in front of me, but really of no concern because I was steering a course dictated by Captain Fontaine (actually a commander, but in the Navy anyone in charge of a vessel is "captain").

My mother was looking out of the various portholes on the bridge and obviously became concerned when she saw all the small boats surrounding and coming at our, in relative terms, huge ship.

At a quiet moment on the Bridge, my mother rather pointedly called out to me: "Don't hit any little boats, Jimmy!"

Now if there had been a hole to crawl in, I would have. But my shipmates, including the captain, got a huge laugh out of her comment. But I was a mortified 19-year-old.

Angrily, I whipped around and told her: "Mother, if the captain wants me to hit a little boat, I hit a little boat." My uncle, a veteran himself, put his arm around my mother and whispered something in her ear and she didn't say anything else for the rest of the cruise.

About four months later, we were heading into Hong Kong Harbor as we prepared for a four-day break from our Vietnam service. As we approached the mouth of the harbor there were, as there always were in Hong Kong, dozens of junks and sailing vessels coming in and out.

Capt. Fontaine, obviously remembering that embarrassing moment for me in San Diego, turned and told me: "Let's not hit any little boats, Jimmy!" I can't tell you the embarrassment I felt.

In later years my mother and I laughed about the incident and I grew to really appreciate the real reason behind her warning. She simply didn't want me to do anything hurtful to myself or others. The fact she didn't understand how it would sound in a military setting was not her fault.

So on this special day, if you are fortunate enough to still have mother to hug, do so and don't ever miss a chance to let her know how much you love and appreciate her. Oh, and don't hit any little boats.

1 comment:

Jim of L-Town said...

The following comment was e-mailed to me from my first wife and mother to my two boys on Mother's Day. I post it here in honor of my mother.

Good morning Jim. I'm up early here and wanted to give a personal comment on your blog. I ready yours and several others several times a week.... this morning's brought back a flood of good memories.....


Don't hit any little boats Jimmy...I could just hear your mom saying that! There are lots of wonderful memories about your mom....


I loved her love of music... musicals to be exact! Singing along to every thing! I especially remember her singing with Nancy Sinatra "These boots are made for walking"


She made me a bathrobe out of terry cloth bath towels


She took me to Fr Sadler's women's group and taught me a song...
Wind wind, blow on me
wind wind, set me free
with your precious Holy spirit


Her Navy bean soup


Her numerous bottles of perfume that sat on a shelf outside the bathroom


When you and Mike told her about a fight when you were kids and how you broke her picture, she said "no, it's right there" and it wasn't.


How she loved the dinner parties with the Patricks, the Wiggins. (oh, I just remembered how upset your mom was when the Wiggins dog bit me in the butt!)


of course shopping! sneaking in huge bags when Ray wasn't looking


How she adored little Billy and Timmy.. taking them to Knots Berry Farm and Disneyland


How she welcomed me for a visit when you were in Viet Nam
Did you know we wrote letters to each other every week when you were gone? phone calls were too expensive of course. She had really beautiful writing... seem to remember she printed her letters?



I love that she accepted me... your girlfriend, and we were sooo young!! She really supported us when your dad didn't... we were sooo young!!


She gave us one of the first "infant seats"... I had never heard of something like that.


We would split ever other Christmas and Thanksgiving, driving our VW down there... oh the tree! and all the presents!! and... watching Santa arrive during the Macy's parade.


She would curl and comb my long hair... I loved the attention she'd give me. I was always in awe of your mom... her clothes, hair, make-up.... she was so beautiful!


Ray didn't like the way she used too much dutch cleanser on the sink (weird memory)


Oh... she was ALWAYS singing!


Your mom always wanted everyone to like her. I think your dad (Lee) said that early on. And everyone DID like her! She had a wonderful smile, warm eyes, and a soft voice.


I remember her excitement waiting for the Cogswell, or was it the Hoel, to come back into port. I flew down the day before and Ray drove us all to the dock. There are pictures somewhere of the upturned faces, eager to see Jimmy's face.


She loved the "formal" dinners around the dining room table on her Franciscan Apple Plates.


You know, your mom and I always had our "edge"... especially after we split up. But I think that on a deeper level there was a great appreciation of each other. I think that she appreciated that I encouraged the boys to visit... even stopped by so Tim could visit for a day on one of our surfing trips to Mexico ('86).


When she passed... I grieved her too. I felt sad for the "edge" that was often between us. But, shortly after her passing, somehow, one of the boys gave me a shoe box of tapes of her favorite musicals. It really felt like her reaching out from the other side to heal any yucky stuff between us.


Wow... 21 years ago. Didn't remember that my mom also passed in Feb of 1987.


Lots of memories are flooding back now... but Mother's day is a big day at the shop, so I've gotta get going. Hope you and Joan have a fabulous day. You found a wonderful woman and it feels wonderful that we have come full (well almost full) circle to a place of peace and harmony.


In Light of warm memories and blessings,
Chris