Saturday, February 27, 2010

Bawston: You're my home

Well, not really, but it is the home of my stepdaughter, Elin. We have been there several times and I can attest to many of the things on the following list, which was sent to me by my father, who received it from a friend in Burlingame, California. So, a good source.

"For those of you who have never been to "Bawstin",this is a good guideline.
I hope you will consider coming to "Beantown" in the near future.

Information on Boston and the surrounding area:
There's no school on School Street , no court on Court Street,
no dock on Dock Square , no water on Water Street .
Back Bay streets are in alphabetical "oddah": Arlington , Berkeley , Clarendon, Dartmouth , etc. So are South Boston streets:A, B, C, D, etc.
If the streets are named after trees (e.g.Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill
.If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley
Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave ; Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave ;
South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End.
East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End .
The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named
Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burry, Jamaica Plain is J.P.

How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly:
**Say it wrong, be shunned**
Worcester : Wuhsta (or Woostah)
Gloucester : Glawsta
Woburn : Woobin
Dedham : Dead-um
Revere : Ra-vee-ah
Quincy : Quinzee
Tewksbury : Tooks berry
Leominster : Lemin-sta
Peabody : Pee-ba-dee
Waltham : Walth-ham
Chatham : Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set but nevah Summerset!

Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
If it is fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
Soda is CLUB SODA.
"Pop" is DAD.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid
more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah..
It's not a trashcan; it's a barrel.
It's not a spucky, a hero or grinder,... it's a sub.
It's not a shopping cart; it's a carriage.
It's not a purse; it's a pockabook.
They're not franks; they're haht dahgs;
Franks are money in Switzahland.
Police don't drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a "crooza".
If you take the bus, you're on the "looza crooza".
It's not a rubber band, it's an elastic. It's not a traffic circle, it's a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket.
The Sox = The Red Sox
The C's = The Celtics
The B's = The Bruins
The Pat's =The Patriots
Things not to do:
Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd .. they'll tow it to Meffa
( Medford ) or Summahville (Somerville) .
Don't sleep on the Common. ( Boston Common)
Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.

Things you should know:

There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses,
two Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each).

The colored lights on top the old Hancock building tell the weatha':
"Solid blue = clear view...."
"Flashing blue, =clouds due...."
"Solid red, =rain ahead...."
"Flashing red, =snow instead...." -
except in summer;flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!

Ahtha Impore-int Stuff

Most people live here all their life and still don't know
what the hell is going on with this one:

Route 128 South is I-95 south. It's also I-93 north.
The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T", and it
doesn't run all night (aftaawl, this ain't Noo Yawk)..

Order the "cold tea" in China Town after 2:00 am you'll get a
kettle full of beer.

Bostonians.. . think that it's their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.
Bostonians.. think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's)
except in "idea".
Bostonians.. think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
Bostonians.. refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting."
Bostonians.. .always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green,
and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Bostonians.. believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians.. .think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.
Bostonians.. think Rhode Island accents are annoying.
Bostonians.believe that Connecticut is a suburb of NooYawk.
Send this to your friends who don't live in Boston (and the ones who do!!)


Elin said...

The West End is back!!! Or, they are trying to bring it back, rather. And I love the little shout out to JP!
Worcester sounds more like Whistah. Tonic (instead of soda) is more old school - they just call it soda now.

Also, Jimmies are chocolate sprinkles.
Rainbow Sprinkles are Rainbow Sprinkles.

No one calls it beantown. EVER. We only allow tourists that privilege. And then we shake our heads at them.

And Cold Tea in Chinatown, not always true, wish it was, though. Damn blue laws!

Oh and that whole 'always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green' is true and a little scary the first few times it happens to you.

I think that's all...


Anonymous said...

The only time I tried the "cold tea" thing in Chinatown in about 1992, it worked. At first they said no, but I had been told if that happened, to mention the name: Michael Cole. I don't know who he is/was, but before I could complete his name, they were nodding furiously and quickly brought out the beer.

webcabbie said...

Hey thanks for trying to sum up an entire city and unique culture in one blogger post.. it is not insulting at all.. Can I ask what mid western hell hole you are from ?

Jim of L-Town said...


I am actually a Los Angeles native, but I'm currently confined to the township of Mayfield in Michigan.

As I mentioned we have a strong tie to Boston through our daughter who lives there. (She is a "T" and taxi user).


Cheech said...

First off, NOBODY calls Medford "MEFFA", it's fahkin' MEDFID, Kid!!!

You basstids need to learn the REAL NAMES, ya fahkin crackheads!!!

Jim of L-Town said...

Cheech, thanks for calling me a "kid." That hasn't happened in a long, long time.

I'm letting this comment slide even with the mildly bad language because I found it amusing.