My brother-in-law and I are headed out in a couple hours to East Lansing for the MSU vs. Iowa football game. My brother-in-law is an Iowa graduate and I went to MSU so it should be a fun night.
But my sister gave me this funny re-do on the classic Abbott and Costello comedy routine. I hope you enjoy it.
Bud Abbott & Lou Costello Updated
Someone sent me a copy of Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First" broadcast
from the 1930's. Now fast forward to 2008 and try to imagine Abbott and
Costello trying to buy/sell a computer. If you never heard Abbott &
Costello's "Who's on first" I feel really sorry for you, because you were
obviously deprived not only as a child, but as an adult too. You have to be
old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY
understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who
sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch,
'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Hello. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can
track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right . What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Put me in the Libertarian column - a rant for a Wednesday
As frequent readers of this blog knows I have little or no use for the two party system. In my opinion the American political system is broken and the roots of that brokenness have everything to do with the trap of a two party system.
Democrats = Republicans and vice versa. You can make all the arguments you want about the differences, but in the end the one thing they have in common is they live and survive for their own self interest. The public and doing the right thing for the Country is lower on the priority lists of the two parties than doing what is politically expedient. Period.
I know this is not a great revelation. It is simply obvious. Neither will do anything to support the other, even if it is the right thing for the country.
My contempt for the politics of the 1970s, 80s, 90s and through today has little bounds.
With the death of my father-in-law and the placement of my mother-in-law in a nursing home that contempt has only magnified the anger and frustration with what I feel is a government out-of-control.
My father-in-law saved carefully all his life. He invested wisely and was prudent. Now, after paying his taxes for his entire life the government has created a situation where they and the nursing home will confiscate most of his wealth in just a very short time.
Medicare rules and nursing home requirements are currently draining about $10,000 a month from my in-laws carefully constructed nest egg to care for her in a 10 X 20 room. For $10,000 a month you could reserve a room on a cruise liner and live there in luxury, but laws written by Republicans and Democrats are seeing to it that what was so carefully collected over 50 years will be gone in less than two years.
Trust me, the government will not get my nest egg, because I'll make sure it is gone before I am, or I'll hide it where they'll never find it.
If you haven't been through this event - the placement of an elderly parent in a nursing home - you will not have an appreciation for the labyrinth of rules and regulations drawn up by legislators to make sure they squeeze every dollar from every citizen before they die. This from citizens who have been lifelong taxpayers.
The rich - and the legislators - would never have to face this because they would have been able to afford the lawyers and crooks that would have sheltered the money.
To navigate these laws and regulations you are forced to hire an elder care attorney - not a cheap option - and spend even more money to salvage something, anything, for my surviving mother-in-law. Just spending two months watching this has me longing for a new 1776 revolutionary spirit. Of course the money you spend on lawyers is exempt from all the other regulations. Republican and Democrat lawyer-legislators made sure of that.
People ask me why I don't support the public health care option. It's easy, because I don't trust the government and I hold them in utter contempt. I don't need any more reason than that.
Living through this government induced horror for my mother-in-law and her savings has more than convinced me that it is time to throw ALL the bums out, President Obama included.
And don't offer me any Republican or Democrat as a substitute either.
Consider just a few recent examples:
A Democrat who helps write tax laws, doesn't pay his own taxes.
Another Democrat congressman scoffs at the idea he should ACTUALLY read the health care bill.
A Republican governor preaches family values and then flies to Argentina for a weekend with his mistress.
President Bush convinced Congress to act quickly to pour billions into a broken financial system to save the corrupt bankers and insurance companies who created the crisis. Did things get better? No, they got worse.
President Obama enters office and immediately repeats the mistake, promising that by doing so unemployment will stay under 8 percent. Wrong again! Unemployment is approaching 10 percent with little indication it will drop any time soon.
For you young people who support these policies just remember that the trillions in new debt being rung up by the past and current administration - aka Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum - will be on your backs to pay in a few years.
While some think all this money being handed out is "Obama money," it is really "your money" and you will be responsible for paying it back, with big interest. Remember that someday when you are trying to smile and say "Yes, we can."
We have a sleeping media. We have media on the right that attacks everything and a media on the left that acts as a cheerleader. For an old newsman it is beyond frustrating to watch.
It's past time for serious questioning and investigation and frankly, it may be too late.
If someone will boil the tar, I'll be happy to bring the feathers. I actually wrote this last Sunday and slept on it for two days and actually toned down some of what I previously wrote, but I don't want anyone to try and tell me that the government is the answer for anything except providing a great military defense and law enforcement.
If you're a Republican or Democrat politician and you're reading this, well, you probably owe everyone an apology.
Democrats = Republicans and vice versa. You can make all the arguments you want about the differences, but in the end the one thing they have in common is they live and survive for their own self interest. The public and doing the right thing for the Country is lower on the priority lists of the two parties than doing what is politically expedient. Period.
I know this is not a great revelation. It is simply obvious. Neither will do anything to support the other, even if it is the right thing for the country.
My contempt for the politics of the 1970s, 80s, 90s and through today has little bounds.
With the death of my father-in-law and the placement of my mother-in-law in a nursing home that contempt has only magnified the anger and frustration with what I feel is a government out-of-control.
My father-in-law saved carefully all his life. He invested wisely and was prudent. Now, after paying his taxes for his entire life the government has created a situation where they and the nursing home will confiscate most of his wealth in just a very short time.
Medicare rules and nursing home requirements are currently draining about $10,000 a month from my in-laws carefully constructed nest egg to care for her in a 10 X 20 room. For $10,000 a month you could reserve a room on a cruise liner and live there in luxury, but laws written by Republicans and Democrats are seeing to it that what was so carefully collected over 50 years will be gone in less than two years.
Trust me, the government will not get my nest egg, because I'll make sure it is gone before I am, or I'll hide it where they'll never find it.
If you haven't been through this event - the placement of an elderly parent in a nursing home - you will not have an appreciation for the labyrinth of rules and regulations drawn up by legislators to make sure they squeeze every dollar from every citizen before they die. This from citizens who have been lifelong taxpayers.
The rich - and the legislators - would never have to face this because they would have been able to afford the lawyers and crooks that would have sheltered the money.
To navigate these laws and regulations you are forced to hire an elder care attorney - not a cheap option - and spend even more money to salvage something, anything, for my surviving mother-in-law. Just spending two months watching this has me longing for a new 1776 revolutionary spirit. Of course the money you spend on lawyers is exempt from all the other regulations. Republican and Democrat lawyer-legislators made sure of that.
People ask me why I don't support the public health care option. It's easy, because I don't trust the government and I hold them in utter contempt. I don't need any more reason than that.
Living through this government induced horror for my mother-in-law and her savings has more than convinced me that it is time to throw ALL the bums out, President Obama included.
And don't offer me any Republican or Democrat as a substitute either.
Consider just a few recent examples:
A Democrat who helps write tax laws, doesn't pay his own taxes.
Another Democrat congressman scoffs at the idea he should ACTUALLY read the health care bill.
A Republican governor preaches family values and then flies to Argentina for a weekend with his mistress.
President Bush convinced Congress to act quickly to pour billions into a broken financial system to save the corrupt bankers and insurance companies who created the crisis. Did things get better? No, they got worse.
President Obama enters office and immediately repeats the mistake, promising that by doing so unemployment will stay under 8 percent. Wrong again! Unemployment is approaching 10 percent with little indication it will drop any time soon.
For you young people who support these policies just remember that the trillions in new debt being rung up by the past and current administration - aka Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum - will be on your backs to pay in a few years.
While some think all this money being handed out is "Obama money," it is really "your money" and you will be responsible for paying it back, with big interest. Remember that someday when you are trying to smile and say "Yes, we can."
We have a sleeping media. We have media on the right that attacks everything and a media on the left that acts as a cheerleader. For an old newsman it is beyond frustrating to watch.
It's past time for serious questioning and investigation and frankly, it may be too late.
If someone will boil the tar, I'll be happy to bring the feathers. I actually wrote this last Sunday and slept on it for two days and actually toned down some of what I previously wrote, but I don't want anyone to try and tell me that the government is the answer for anything except providing a great military defense and law enforcement.
If you're a Republican or Democrat politician and you're reading this, well, you probably owe everyone an apology.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
What this guy said
Unfortunately the embed on YouTube.com is disabled, but here's the link to one of the great philosophers of our time. I could not agree with this guy more. Stay tuned for a rant from me on why our stupid government is completely out of control. Start boiling the tar and feathers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
